Tag Archives: Family

Salamin

22 Nov

Inspired by Omar and Osly

Magkamukha, madalas sabihin ng iba.

Bakit hindi nila nakikita ang tunay na katauhan nating dalawa?

Oo pala. Magkamukha hindi lang sa mukha, pati sa damit, sa lahat ng gamit.

Oo nga pala. Pati sa kurso, sinundan kita.

Lumayo tayong dalawa sa mga mapanghusgang mga mata.

Lumipad tayo. Sinubok mangarap ngunit nadala.

Nagising akong gusto na ding lumayo sa yo.

Dahil sa mundong ating narating, nasundan tayo ng mga matang nagdidikta, nanlalamang, mapanghusga!

Kinulong muli tayo sa hawla, na ikaw ay ako at ako ay ikaw!

Ang pagkakaibang kanilang makita — pagkukulang ng isa.

“Tignan mo siya, naiiba.”

“Bakit hindi ka tumulas sa kanya, nangunguna?”

Sa puntong ito, ginusto kong basagin ang salamin at hindi pumares sa iyong mga adhikain.

Ginusto kong kumawala at ganun ka din.

Nagwagi sila, pinaramdam nila na tayo’y magkalaban.

Sa aking pag-iisa, niyakap ko ang kawalan, ang espasyo na dati mong kinalagyan.

Nahanap ko ang sarili kong pagkakakilanlan.

Tama nga pala ako.

Tama ang naiisip ko noon na pilit kong binabaon.

Magkaiba nga tayo, tol.

Masaya ako sa katahimikan, mas kampante kasama ang mga kaibigan.

Pinipili ko ang aking susuyuin, mas gusto mo namang jowain saka kilatisin.

Marami pa, bro.

Pero ito ang sigurado — marami pa tayong madidiskubre sa ating mga sarili.

At ito pa ang tumino sa eksperimentong ito —

namiss kita, Tol!

Hindi ikaw ang kalaban.

Walang kailangang patunayan sa mga taong hindi kailanman matatahimik sa katotohanan.

Mahal kita, Tol!

— Ang Proud Mong Kambal

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Someday

20 Nov

It hurts my heart. Knowing I may never make my mother understand why I am who I am.

I am who I am because of their decisions, of my upbringing and of them not witnessing my growing years.

I have been sharing my pain, begging her to understand why I am what I am.

That this is the product of my circumstances when let me be on my own.

I have spoken and written words, was brought to tears, dried my throat, hanged a call, thrown tantrums I am not proud of and I don’t know anymore.

I feel like a restless tiger inside a cage who just wants to be embraced.

But I think I have to stop fighting this.

And live NOW. I know somehow that if I keep at this I could loose myself entirely.

I must let go and not let this define me. I knew of that. But it is so hard to accept defeat when I know they are the core of my being.

When I know that I haven’t felt known to them.

I want to believe I am reaching the end of this desperation of being accepted and understood. My heart is tired. My mind is loosing focus. I must not. I must stop. I must GROW. I have to let go of the child who was left behind. The child whose innocence was snatched because no one was looking.

They say they sacrificed a lot for me.

And all I’m saying is I did too and I hurt.

I pray I won’t have to tell some hard truths Because I don’t think she will handle it well.

I don’t have to hurt, right?

For now, I’ll keep my secret and pretend to be what they want.

I’ll find my way. Someday.

LDR

12 Feb

Bakit ganito kasakit

Ang kapalit ng iyong pag- alis?

Maraming taon

Ngunit konting pagkakataon

Sabagay ganun din noong ako’y

Sampung taon

Maraming nakapaligid

Pero nabibilang ang bigkas ng bibig

Nagpalipat-lipat ng lugar

Hanggang wala ng makilala maliban sa isa o dalawa.

Hindi ako nahilig makichika

O mangumusta sa iba

Yan na ako, simula pa

Wala pa noon ang sakit

Noon, isa lamang akong paslit

Isang dakilang manonood

Ng mga tao sa aking paligid

Bakit ganito kasakit

Ang kapalit ng iyong pag- alis?

Wag mo akong tanungin

Bakit wala akong oras sa iyong daing

Wag mo akong sisihin

Kung hindi ako malambing

Ang TV ang aking gabay

Lumaki akong wala namang nanlalambing

Pinalaki akong matatakutin

Ang sabi nga ng iba’y manang na din

Kaya patawad kong hindi ako

Ang ideal mong maging

Pero kung laging mali ko ang ipaparating

At ang daing di iindahin

Saan na tayo papadparin?

Kung parehas tayong ang hiling

Ang isa sa atin ay dinggin

At wala sa atin handang makinig

O Bakit ganito kasakit,

Ang kapalit ng iyong pag- alis?

People are People

10 Jan

 

WHEN you stepped out of this world
You are sheltered at home
and as you grow, you’ll have your school, your church
They look at you and hope for the future

WHEN you debut into this world
You are embraced by those in the room
You dance till dawn, you’ll feel unbreakable
and the next day, you’ll still have your peers, your dreams

WHEN you’re done with school
You are praised by all
and the next day, you’ll still have it all,
but maybe even eyes waiting for your downfall

WHEN you’re looking for a workplace
You are pressured by it all,
you might set aside your passion,
and just catch the next available place, but not for long
(So you say)

WHEN you submit yourself in that rat race
you’ll get tired, but still save face
you remember those prying eyes
and you get on, you smile, you wave
(So you try)

WHEN you’re getting restless
you remember those praises that pushed you to just drive
“Just be Someone, it doesn’t matter what but be Someone”
and you believe, you just might become someone
(Or not)

WHEN you feel you’re too old for your age
you feel you have become part of this world
and you think kids are too spoiled, they dream
you’ll want to go back, be that kid, be Anyone but Someone
(So you think)

WHEN you feel lost in the game
but winning in the eyes of peers
you realize you have been deceived
the praises have misled you from your dreams

WHEN you get out of that game
the eyes would stop looking but glare
they’ll loose hope for your future
and you won’t care

WHEN that time comes
maybe you’ll doubt yourself
the confidence might be swayed for leaving was not that easy,
Anyway, YOU’RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

WHEN you feel down
remember you’re at the bottom of going up
you’ll get there somehow, because you care
you have owned the game, you’ll dare

SO, push through, forget the wounds you’ll get
Forget the flawlessness, forger being perfect
Disappoint people who followed what others paved them to go
Enlighten people who believed you’re getting lost to reach your rightful place
Some place you’ll make to become Somebody you’re proud of.

inspired by: MARTA

3 Mar

Ako si Marta

Dalagang ina

Nagmahal nung una

Nanganak mag-isa

Nagalit sa mundo

Sabi ko noon, “Unfair ito!”

Buti pa siya, walang dinadala

Magiging ama, pero hindi halata

Kung umasta parang binata

Walang anak na iniinda

Kung ang lalaki kaya ang magdala

Para sa ‘pag puntong ako’y nanghihina

Makikipag-inuman naman sa barkada

Tutal, lalaki na ang may dala

Ng batang binuo naming dalawa

Kung lalaki na ang magdadala

Pwede na akong maglakwatsa

Maghahanap ng damit

Kaya nang magbuhat,

kahit maraming bitbit

Pero hindi, dahil kung lalaki ang magdadala

Sasamahan ko siya

Kapag kumirot ang tiyan?

Dali-dali kong hahalikan

Kapag umiiyak, kahit walang dahilan?

Kahit saan pa yan, lagi kong dadamayan

Kapag di makatulog

Naghahanap ng niyog

May buko naman sa kanto

Kukunin ko alang-alang sa mag-ama ko.

Pero kahit hindi lalaki ang magdala

Kahit ako na dahil ako naman talaga

Kakayanin ko, iparamdam lang niya

Nabuo ito nang hindi ako mag-isa

At siguruhin niya

Ilalabas ko itong magkasama kaming dalawa.

I was then I am

24 Jun

I was born and in a foreign land.
I was a baby and they flew me to my mother’s home.

I was 1 and we were one, my

mother, father and i but after awhile they left me behind.

I was 2 and i cried a lot.

I was 3 and still nurtured by my mother’s mother, my favorite in the world.

I was 4 and i wanted to be a doctor.

I was 5 and i remember singing to my parents in a tape recorder.

I was 6 and i moved to my father’s home where he stays for good.

I was 7 and i was disciplined.

I was 8 and i had friends and a first crush.

I was 9 and i left them all behind 

for a home to call our own; my father became my best friend.

I was 10 and betrayed by a friend.

I was 11 and i thought i talk less than a person should. 

I was 12 and fat. Didn’t know how bad but i had an adult friend, a mother-figure and i’m glad.

I was 13 and i met lasting friends, it lessens the pain when i think mama has not come home again.

I was 14 and i experienced young love in pain.

I was 15 and i don’t know what i want; the pressure for a course; and a resounding “no” for becoming a nurse.

I was 16 and alone again. Failed promises and unintentional course taking courses.

I was 17 and i had tasks to fill.

I was 18 and they have elected me a leader.

I was 19 and still going up the ladder.

I was 20 and opportunities come, i grabbed them all.

I was 21 and i was where i was supposed to be and pressured to pursue.

I was 22 and my father left me for good.

I was 23, the blackest year, a fallout with mother.

I was 24, thought i could escape from it all. I did but then no.

I am 25, escaped but not free. Out of purpose and lagging behind.

Need vs Want

11 May

You have a niece’s relative that is ill.

You have an aunt who’s business is to sell products that is supposed to cure illness.

You have a niece receiving a call from this aunt that is seemingly concern for the ill relative.

The niece is touched. Thought she could get advice on how to take better care of the relative.

Once upon a time, this aunt was taking care of sick relatives (from her side). She’s strong and determined. And this niece, she needs to be as strong and determined like the aunt.

Then you have the aunt sales-talking the niece into wanting a product that could possibly cure the relative.

I don’t know what to make of this.

Its sad how things went.

Its Time

22 Dec

On December 22, when i was 22,
I sent you a message at 2 asking, “How are you?”.
And you answered, “Just fine” and “When will i see you?”.
(Pero alam mo namang uuwi ako nun, di ba?)

At 7 that evening, i received a call.
At 7:30, inside a taxi, i sent you one last plea.
At 7:30, that same evening, in an ER 6hours away from me, a doctor said, “Time of death…7:30”.

Umagang kay ganda, Sarao!

16 Sep

Alas-sais sa loob ng Jeep.

Matagal na din nung huli akong sumakay ng jeep ng ganito kaaga. Sa paligid ko, makikita ang mga tatay o nanay na naghahatid ng kanilang mga anak pero kakaiba din itong si ate na nakapajama pa na maghahatid ng kapatid sa eskwela.

Meron ding si “Bruskong Gurl”, estudyante na teenager pa lang wagas na kung makamura.

“Hello?! Hellow?! P** i***, bakit hindi ka nagsasalita!?”

May pa-joke pang nalalaman,
“Magkano sa Roces daw sabi niya, ano bibilhin ba niya Roces?!”
And her crew would laugh.

O itong antok pang dalawang binata. Yung isa may baon pang styro (extra kaya sila?) na nahulog ang tinidor at nang pulutin ni ateng katabi, nag-hesitate pang abutin sabay mabilis na tinago.
Maya-maya, tanong niya sa katabi,
“Nagbayad ka na ba?”
“Ha?”
“Nagbayad ka na?”
“Hmm.”

(Nagbayad na nga kaya?)

At pag akala mo’y puno na, hindi pa pala. Ayan si manong drayber, kuntodo sigaw para kumbinsihin ang lahat na may espasyo pa.

“Sakay pa, pwede pa! Makabilaan!! Sakay na!!!”

Papasok ang mag-ama, mag-aalas siyete na, pauunahin ang maliit na anak, pero makikitang siksikan na kaya pupwesto na lang sa may pintuan.
Good boy si bagets, hindi naiyak. Ang liit! Ang cute ng bata! Star for you, kid!

“Para po!”

Womb Connection

28 Aug

How do you make someone understand you when that person doesn’t even really know you?

When yours should have been the tightest relationship of all.
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