Tag Archives: Family

People are People

10 Jan

 

WHEN you stepped out of this world
You are sheltered at home
and as you grow, you’ll have your school, your church
They look at you and hope for the future

WHEN you debut into this world
You are embraced by those in the room
You dance till dawn, you’ll feel unbreakable
and the next day, you’ll still have your peers, your dreams

WHEN you’re done with school
You are praised by all
and the next day, you’ll still have it all,
but maybe even eyes waiting for your downfall

WHEN you’re looking for a workplace
You are pressured by it all,
you might set aside your passion,
and just catch the next available place, but not for long
(So you say)

WHEN you submit yourself in that rat race
you’ll get tired, but still save face
you remember those prying eyes
and you get on, you smile, you wave
(So you try)

WHEN you’re getting restless
you remember those praises that pushed you to just drive
“Just be Someone, it doesn’t matter what but be Someone”
and you believe, you just might become someone
(Or not)

WHEN you feel you’re too old for your age
you feel you have become part of this world
and you think kids are too spoiled, they dream
you’ll want to go back, be that kid, be Anyone but Someone
(So you think)

WHEN you feel lost in the game
but winning in the eyes of peers
you realize you have been deceived
the praises have misled you from your dreams

WHEN you get out of that game
the eyes would stop looking but glare
they’ll loose hope for your future
and you won’t care

WHEN that time comes
maybe you’ll doubt yourself
the confidence might be swayed for leaving was not that easy,
Anyway, YOU’RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

WHEN you feel down
remember you’re at the bottom of going up
you’ll get there somehow, because you care
you have owned the game, you’ll dare

SO, push through, forget the wounds you’ll get
Forget the flawlessness, forger being perfect
Disappoint people who followed what others paved them to go
Enlighten people who believed you’re getting lost to reach your rightful place
Some place you’ll make to become Somebody you’re proud of.

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inspired by: MARTA

3 Mar

Ako si Marta

Dalagang ina

Nagmahal nung una

Nanganak mag-isa

Nagalit sa mundo

Sabi ko noon, “Unfair ito!”

Buti pa siya, walang dinadala

Magiging ama, pero hindi halata

Kung umasta parang binata

Walang anak na iniinda

Kung ang lalaki kaya ang magdala

Para sa ‘pag puntong ako’y nanghihina

Makikipag-inuman naman sa barkada

Tutal, lalaki na ang may dala

Ng batang binuo naming dalawa

Kung lalaki na ang magdadala

Pwede na akong maglakwatsa

Maghahanap ng damit

Kaya nang magbuhat,

kahit maraming bitbit

Pero hindi, dahil kung lalaki ang magdadala

Sasamahan ko siya

Kapag kumirot ang tiyan?

Dali-dali kong hahalikan

Kapag umiiyak, kahit walang dahilan?

Kahit saan pa yan, lagi kong dadamayan

Kapag di makatulog

Naghahanap ng niyog

May buko naman sa kanto

Kukunin ko alang-alang sa mag-ama ko.

Pero kahit hindi lalaki ang magdala

Kahit ako na dahil ako naman talaga

Kakayanin ko, iparamdam lang niya

Nabuo ito nang hindi ako mag-isa

At siguruhin niya

Ilalabas ko itong magkasama kaming dalawa.

I was then I am

24 Jun

I was born and in a foreign land.
I was a baby and they flew me to my mother’s home.

I was 1 and we were one, my

mother, father and i but after awhile they left me behind.

I was 2 and i cried a lot.

I was 3 and still nurtured by my mother’s mother, my favorite in the world.

I was 4 and i wanted to be a doctor.

I was 5 and i remember singing to my parents in a tape recorder.

I was 6 and i moved to my father’s home where he stays for good.

I was 7 and i was disciplined.

I was 8 and i had friends and a first crush.

I was 9 and i left them all behind 

for a home to call our own; my father became my best friend.

I was 10 and betrayed by a friend.

I was 11 and i thought i talk less than a person should. 

I was 12 and fat. Didn’t know how bad but i had an adult friend, a mother-figure and i’m glad.

I was 13 and i met lasting friends, it lessens the pain when i think mama has not come home again.

I was 14 and i experienced young love in pain.

I was 15 and i don’t know what i want; the pressure for a course; and a resounding “no” for becoming a nurse.

I was 16 and alone again. Failed promises and unintentional course taking courses.

I was 17 and i had tasks to fill.

I was 18 and they have elected me a leader.

I was 19 and still going up the ladder.

I was 20 and opportunities come, i grabbed them all.

I was 21 and i was where i was supposed to be and pressured to pursue.

I was 22 and my father left me for good.

I was 23, the blackest year, a fallout with mother.

I was 24, thought i could escape from it all. I did but then no.

I am 25, escaped but not free. Out of purpose and lagging behind.

Need vs Want

11 May

You have a niece’s relative that is ill.

You have an aunt who’s business is to sell products that is supposed to cure illness.

You have a niece receiving a call from this aunt that is seemingly concern for the ill relative.

The niece is touched. Thought she could get advice on how to take better care of the relative.

Once upon a time, this aunt was taking care of sick relatives (from her side). She’s strong and determined. And this niece, she needs to be as strong and determined like the aunt.

Then you have the aunt sales-talking the niece into wanting a product that could possibly cure the relative.

I don’t know what to make of this.

Its sad how things went.

Its Time

22 Dec

On December 22, when i was 22,
I sent you a message at 2 asking, “How are you?”.
And you answered, “Just fine” and “When will i see you?”.
(Pero alam mo namang uuwi ako nun, di ba?)

At 7 that evening, i received a call.
At 7:30, inside a taxi, i sent you one last plea.
At 7:30, that same evening, in an ER 6hours away from me, a doctor said, “Time of death…7:30”.

Umagang kay ganda, Sarao!

16 Sep

Alas-sais sa loob ng Jeep.

Matagal na din nung huli akong sumakay ng jeep ng ganito kaaga. Sa paligid ko, makikita ang mga tatay o nanay na naghahatid ng kanilang mga anak pero kakaiba din itong si ate na nakapajama pa na maghahatid ng kapatid sa eskwela.

Meron ding si “Bruskong Gurl”, estudyante na teenager pa lang wagas na kung makamura.

“Hello?! Hellow?! P** i***, bakit hindi ka nagsasalita!?”

May pa-joke pang nalalaman,
“Magkano sa Roces daw sabi niya, ano bibilhin ba niya Roces?!”
And her crew would laugh.

O itong antok pang dalawang binata. Yung isa may baon pang styro (extra kaya sila?) na nahulog ang tinidor at nang pulutin ni ateng katabi, nag-hesitate pang abutin sabay mabilis na tinago.
Maya-maya, tanong niya sa katabi,
“Nagbayad ka na ba?”
“Ha?”
“Nagbayad ka na?”
“Hmm.”

(Nagbayad na nga kaya?)

At pag akala mo’y puno na, hindi pa pala. Ayan si manong drayber, kuntodo sigaw para kumbinsihin ang lahat na may espasyo pa.

“Sakay pa, pwede pa! Makabilaan!! Sakay na!!!”

Papasok ang mag-ama, mag-aalas siyete na, pauunahin ang maliit na anak, pero makikitang siksikan na kaya pupwesto na lang sa may pintuan.
Good boy si bagets, hindi naiyak. Ang liit! Ang cute ng bata! Star for you, kid!

“Para po!”

Womb Connection

28 Aug

How do you make someone understand you when that person doesn’t even really know you?

When yours should have been the tightest relationship of all.
Continue reading

My Plea to You

24 Feb

Hang on to me.

My dear…
You are important to me.
Awhile ago,
Or days ago,
Or remember that one time…
One day…

What you said made me feel good.
What you did made me feel great.
What you are… affects me.
YOU matter to me.

And i am sorry you don’t hear me say these.

But please hang on to me.

When i push you away, cling closely.
When i seem to ignore you, tease me.
When i’m not around, find me.
When i don’t speak, make me.

I know, i might be (or already) asking too much from you.

But, you see,
What you said
What you did
What you are…

Your actions that surprises me
Makes me feel so grateful
Or so cared for
Or so loved
Or so beautiful

That i’m lost at words
To express all these
Or how much that affects me
Or enlightened me
Or inspired me
Or strengthened me
That i don’t speak up

Thus, i say no words
Just look at you
And maybe turn around
And proceed to my day.

I may have left you
But my feelings for you stayed
You have brightened my day.
And my thoughts are with you
You have me felt belonged.

I love you
I appreciate you
I adore you
I miss you
I need you

Please hang on to me.

Feelings on Writing

16 May

I am bereft by father, left by mother (for work abroad), and so, i am alone in the city. But i do have a constant reminder of what i need and want.

I live with my uncle’s wife and cousin who are so close to each other. When i see them, i feel lacking, jealous, out-of-place. I miss my parents. When i don’t see them, i feel the same ways too. But i miss my parents more.

When i go to work, and something or someone upsets me, it really gets into me. I couldn’t let go as easily amd readily before. Back then, when i’m feeling low, i would call or text my father, he’d answer back and cheer me up, or make me laugh. After that, i’m a clean slate again, the world can make a fool of me again. I would be okay.

But now, it’s becoming hard to get back on track. It’s becoming a challenge to believe one’s self or even forgive.

Sometimes, i dream of being lost, literally. To be some place new where i could not be reminded of things that connect to the past or even my attachment to the past. I would still miss them but it won’t be that painful.

But i can’t seem to move. I lost my drive, my power. I can’t seem to control things now. My will, my passion gone.

I feel distant with God. It’s my fault, i know. I do pray God forgives me for not trying hard, but i also pray He gives me courage to try harder.

I am writing all this in the hope that i may lighten my burden, clear my mind, and maybe give me hope. To realize my dilemma is “not that bad”.

There’s something in writing that makes me see how big i see little things or how small i perceive big things. Or how confusing i get as i type these thoughts.

Anyway.

Pray.

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Beginning and Ending

30 Jan

To whomever,

To feel so empty; so bereft when visiting a parent’s grave after coming from a wedding is very unsettling. It clearly doesn’t promise a positive day ahead.

My sensitivity this past few weeks tripled. Everything feels wrong. You’d think you’re becoming a monster, or something to that effect.

Shouting is so tempting. Just to free your mind. or relax.
You forget manners for the sake of silence or space or aloneness. People are so hard-headed. They just can’t leave a person alone.

A brooding look, a sigh, or even a frown would invite someone to pat your back and try to console you.

“That is life.”
“Everything is going to be alright.”
“I miss him too.”

You try to appreciate that but at that moment you just don’t care.
You just want silence and peace. You just want to be alone. Sympathy becomes unbearable because they could only irk you to no end.
Clearly, you don’t want sympathy because you know that already. You feel that already.

People are hopeless.
And more.

“He’s in good hands now.”
“He’s happy.”

Of course, i know that. That’s the only consolation i could think of. He had a good life.

I just want to miss him. Remember him. I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to get over the fact that he’s gone. I don’t want to forget him.

When i cry, there could only be three reasons behind it. One, i’m missing the things he did for me. Two, i’m missing the things i could have done for him. And three, i’m missing the things he could have done for me.

If you could even miss things that haven’t even done, that is.

I realize my father, only him, brings out the best and worst of me. And i miss him so. I wanted him to be proud of me. I miss confessing to him and hearing he’s say on the matter. He’s the only one in my family i could accept criticism or even judgment without feeling defensive. His opinion matters to me.
His opinion moves me.

Hardheaded and hopeless,

Me
Jan. 30, 2013

PS: Hoping.

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