Tag Archives: alone

inspired by: MARTA

3 Mar

Ako si Marta

Dalagang ina

Nagmahal nung una

Nanganak mag-isa

Nagalit sa mundo

Sabi ko noon, “Unfair ito!”

Buti pa siya, walang dinadala

Magiging ama, pero hindi halata

Kung umasta parang binata

Walang anak na iniinda

Kung ang lalaki kaya ang magdala

Para sa ‘pag puntong ako’y nanghihina

Makikipag-inuman naman sa barkada

Tutal, lalaki na ang may dala

Ng batang binuo naming dalawa

Kung lalaki na ang magdadala

Pwede na akong maglakwatsa

Maghahanap ng damit

Kaya nang magbuhat,

kahit maraming bitbit

Pero hindi, dahil kung lalaki ang magdadala

Sasamahan ko siya

Kapag kumirot ang tiyan?

Dali-dali kong hahalikan

Kapag umiiyak, kahit walang dahilan?

Kahit saan pa yan, lagi kong dadamayan

Kapag di makatulog

Naghahanap ng niyog

May buko naman sa kanto

Kukunin ko alang-alang sa mag-ama ko.

Pero kahit hindi lalaki ang magdala

Kahit ako na dahil ako naman talaga

Kakayanin ko, iparamdam lang niya

Nabuo ito nang hindi ako mag-isa

At siguruhin niya

Ilalabas ko itong magkasama kaming dalawa.

Hindi Na Muli

8 Jul

Sinabi ko noon,

“Hindi na muli.”

Sinabi ko noon,

na puno ng hapdi.

Sinabi ko noon–

iyon, nang puro hukbi.

Hindi ba muling pipili

ng taong ako’y ikukubli.

Hindi na muling isasantabi

mga pangarap at minimithi.

Hindi na muling magpapaapi

sa taong makasarili.

Kaya sabihin mo sa akin ngayon,

paano ako lilingon–

sa mapait na kahapon na puno ng mga alaalang pilit binabaon?

Kaya sabihin mo sa akin ngayon,

paano mo ako mapapaayon

na balikan natin ang kahapon?

a living zombie

22 Nov

My soul weak. 
My fire diminished.
My bravado gone.
I am a living zombie.

What are my dreams?
When is my time?
Where is my destiny?
Who am I to be?
Why do I ask these?
How can i wake from this place i put myself into?

I have paused my life.
I am a living zombie.

 

 

No man is an island

9 Jun

Why keep silent? If you do care, talk! Or do something. Just make a move! Make yourself FELT. Because people NEED that. People want to feel something–with any kind of response or approach. We craved to be touched, listened to, CARED. No man is an island. No exceptions.

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Feelings on Writing

16 May

I am bereft by father, left by mother (for work abroad), and so, i am alone in the city. But i do have a constant reminder of what i need and want.

I live with my uncle’s wife and cousin who are so close to each other. When i see them, i feel lacking, jealous, out-of-place. I miss my parents. When i don’t see them, i feel the same ways too. But i miss my parents more.

When i go to work, and something or someone upsets me, it really gets into me. I couldn’t let go as easily amd readily before. Back then, when i’m feeling low, i would call or text my father, he’d answer back and cheer me up, or make me laugh. After that, i’m a clean slate again, the world can make a fool of me again. I would be okay.

But now, it’s becoming hard to get back on track. It’s becoming a challenge to believe one’s self or even forgive.

Sometimes, i dream of being lost, literally. To be some place new where i could not be reminded of things that connect to the past or even my attachment to the past. I would still miss them but it won’t be that painful.

But i can’t seem to move. I lost my drive, my power. I can’t seem to control things now. My will, my passion gone.

I feel distant with God. It’s my fault, i know. I do pray God forgives me for not trying hard, but i also pray He gives me courage to try harder.

I am writing all this in the hope that i may lighten my burden, clear my mind, and maybe give me hope. To realize my dilemma is “not that bad”.

There’s something in writing that makes me see how big i see little things or how small i perceive big things. Or how confusing i get as i type these thoughts.

Anyway.

Pray.

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Be sensible!

29 Apr

When your career becomes your whole life,
When your workmates become your constant companion,
And when these people just makes you feel worst,
And when you don’t have your family to talk to and hold just to keep you moving,
And when even close friends are hard to reach, or loose the courage to, just to refresh yourself again.

Then your doomed. I’m warning you, that place you’re going is sad.

I am tempted to write ‘alone’. That you are alone. But no.

You are never alone.

God is where you are. Wherever that is, whomever you’re with. All the time. Always.

You just had to listen carefully, see closely. Open yourself up to Him.
Don’t wallow in your sorrow. Don’t give up easily. Fight for your sanity, happiness. Fight for your life. Live.

Talk to Him, acknowledge His Divine presence. Remember Him. Live Him.

Be sensible, kid.