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Red and Bleak

4 Jun

It happened so #fast

It was a #blur

All was #bleak

But you, the lone #color
You see, I ignored the signs

And man, you made me blind

You took away my heart

I was empty and free
Now i see, 

you stole the fire in me

Alas! I was that color

(You traitor!)

🤦🏻‍♀️

But I won’t give chase

Please, go on keep my color

I hope you blend with it
My fire, although defused

Will be lit, don’t be confused

‘Cause my heart, it multiplies
There will come a time

When this bleak world would be lit

inspired by: MARTA

3 Mar

Ako si Marta

Dalagang ina

Nagmahal nung una

Nanganak mag-isa

Nagalit sa mundo

Sabi ko noon, “Unfair ito!”

Buti pa siya, walang dinadala

Magiging ama, pero hindi halata

Kung umasta parang binata

Walang anak na iniinda

Kung ang lalaki kaya ang magdala

Para sa ‘pag puntong ako’y nanghihina

Makikipag-inuman naman sa barkada

Tutal, lalaki na ang may dala

Ng batang binuo naming dalawa

Kung lalaki na ang magdadala

Pwede na akong maglakwatsa

Maghahanap ng damit

Kaya nang magbuhat,

kahit maraming bitbit

Pero hindi, dahil kung lalaki ang magdadala

Sasamahan ko siya

Kapag kumirot ang tiyan?

Dali-dali kong hahalikan

Kapag umiiyak, kahit walang dahilan?

Kahit saan pa yan, lagi kong dadamayan

Kapag di makatulog

Naghahanap ng niyog

May buko naman sa kanto

Kukunin ko alang-alang sa mag-ama ko.

Pero kahit hindi lalaki ang magdala

Kahit ako na dahil ako naman talaga

Kakayanin ko, iparamdam lang niya

Nabuo ito nang hindi ako mag-isa

At siguruhin niya

Ilalabas ko itong magkasama kaming dalawa.

a living zombie

22 Nov

My soul weak. 
My fire diminished.
My bravado gone.
I am a living zombie.

What are my dreams?
When is my time?
Where is my destiny?
Who am I to be?
Why do I ask these?
How can i wake from this place i put myself into?

I have paused my life.
I am a living zombie.

 

 

Patid. Patid.

13 Oct

Lumulusot-lusot lusot sa butas ng karayom.
-yom, yung tipong sa sikip-sikip parang magigiit-giit .
Liit at sikip-sikip ng daang di matuwid-tuwid.
Parang pawid sa bukid, di makatawid-tawid.
Tawid na sana para makapagpahatid – hatid ng pag-ibig na walang-patid.

Womb Connection

28 Aug

How do you make someone understand you when that person doesn’t even really know you?

When yours should have been the tightest relationship of all.
Continue reading

The Space Between

28 Aug

How to get by?

I’ve done it, i said my piece. I got my permission. I just have to go through formalities in getting out the chains and i’m free to move the reins.

But it seems my destination is reluctant to have me there.

But i really want to go. I need this break. I need to face her. I can’t bear this hopelessness any longer. I’m loosing faith. I can’t fall. And i can’t get lost. But soon, i know i will if i don’t do anything to stop it. So i must go. I have to move.

But.

How to get by?

Wishful Thinking

3 Aug

When late at night
I lie awake, unable to sleep
I find myself debate
Whether to read a book
Or be content in my nook
Stare at the ceiling
Or my window railing
Daydream about when i’m sailing
Looking over the sea
At peace, unafraid, calm as i can be
Or plan an escape of what’s to be
When i can finally be free
Free from the burdens i put myself
From the unbinding “responsibilities”,
Unworthy “fears”,
I led myself believe.

Oh how the world had fooled me,
How clever humans can be.
If only i could unlearn the things that don’t matter,
Be raised with all the means
To search for answers
Or maybe to simply quench my thirst
Of knowledge, of wisdom,
But mostly of love.

But, whatever.

I only want to roam the world
Carefree as i can be.

12:45am, august 4
(PS: this is one of those “random” acts you do when you least expect it. I just couldn’t sleep)

HERE COMES THE BREAK-UP

30 Jul

the scene IN A RELATIONSHIP for 5, 6… 15 years?

Then suddenly, you’re SINGLE.

 

You keep hearing people say, “What a wasted years.” Or sympathies for the lost years spent with him.

Its like finding out your TRUTH is a MISTAKE. Or like you’ve been blind and suddenly you see. Or CAGED and finally you’re FREE.

 

Let me tell you this.

Those years are not wasted years. It’s not something “better left forgotten”. It is not a dark hole in your past. It is NOT NOTHING. It is SOMETHING because it’s a part of YOU.

 

DON’T WASTE a heartache to bitterness and other dark forces that’ll control your future.

EMBRACE IT for it happened for a reason; with a cause to make you better.

 

Remember the past. Relive the moments of happiness and of learnings.

Smile when you remember the butterflies, the chemistry, the excitement, the awesomeness, the laughters, the craziness. Feel the gratitude of having experienced those. NOT EVERYONE IS FORTUNATE to that.

Forgive the heartaches. Forgive him. Forgive yourself. ACCEPTANCE.

Relearn the lessons. SHARPEN YOURSELF.

And LOVE still.

GO ON.

Carry on without the person. NO REGRETS.

Be joyous for the love you had been given. Be amazed by the love you were capable of giving. LOVE IS A GIFT.

Excuses!

28 Apr

When you feel that you have lost the fire in you,
When things go crazy around you,
When you come to realize the regrets from before,
When you suck today…

Well.
You are. Don’t doubt it.
You sucked.

Don’t make excuses to redeem yourself. You are what you did.

Don’t say you’re trying to find yourself.
You were never not lost, lost.

If you’re ignorant, be fine with that.
You can always learn things.
If you betrayed someone, asess yourself, and rectify it.
If you are hurt, by all means cry yourself a river until you run dry.
If you are a coward, okay go ahead, hide. But then, come out.
We can not stay forever in the dark.

Your purpose is BEING.
You did wrong, you failed — EMBRACE IT.
ACKNOWLEDGE your weaknesses. Never EXCUSE it.
REDEEM yourself by BEING, DOING things you deem right.
You may attempt, but never delude yourself you’d be perfect.

We are gifted with a “will”.
We have our very own “remote control” to choose the channel we like to engage ourselves in.
That is a miracle. That is beauty on its own.

You have a life. Hooray!

Hey. You. (and Her)

21 Apr

Hey, you.

I am upset.

My friends keep bugging me why i am still single.

One of them even insinuated that its WRONG that i’m still single.

Now, THAT is wrong.

She says i’m not a risk taker.
She even thinks (i’m sure) that i’m a snub.
She was trying to convince me that i already met you and missed my chance of a great love story. With you.

That’s okay but I beg to DISAGREE with one.

I could be making mistakes but DON’T tell me i’m wrong because what i decide to do with my life is MY judgement ALONE.

She could give advis, es (unsolicited or not) but don’t JUDGE. That’s unwelcome.

RESPECT.

This is my way of living. Of learning. Of loving.

I appreciate her concern, but this is still MY life.

Anyhow. She didn’t know. She wouldn’t know because i didn’t tell.

I took a risk. I gave a chance.
But those boys, they were not you.
So why prolong their agony? I admit, there were a few when i thought that was you but some thing tells me otherwise.

I kept thinking, “If i keep this man, we wouldn’t last long.”

But then, they ‘ll say, why not ‘just’ TRY so i could have an experience in relationships; to have a deeper understanding in men.

Well. For some, that might work. But not for me.

 

I would rather make mistakes with you. (I hope you’re not bothered by that.)

And learn with you.

 

I stayed single because they were not you.

At my age, some are engaged, married or even have kids already. But 24 is 24. And life continuous whatever your age.

Although, I’m missing you without even knowing you. Its okay.

The waiting is okay, because i have YOU to look forward to.

And YES, i am hopeless(-ly romantic). But this is my greater risk. To love YOU even without you. YET.