Archive | May, 2013

KUTO KATUMBAS AY PISO

29 May

Classic kwento ni Lola. Isang araw daw dahil sa kati ng ulo, nag-utos siya ng dalawang bata na kutu-an siya. Ang makakakuha ng kuto, may piso. Hala sige, hanap. Pero wala, hanggang sa nakatulog na si Lola. Maya-maya, yung isang bata alisto na sa pag-abot ng kuto. Meron nga, may nakuha! Ngayon, sinita ni Lola yung isang wala pang naiaabot. “Tignan mo maigi, imposibleng wala, ano ung binigay, iisa lang?” Tahimik lang bata, sa huli sumuko na yung dalawa at umuwi na at naglaro na sila.

Kinahapunan, nag-uwian na yung mga bata galing sa laro nila. Lumapit yung batang walang nakuhang kuto. “Apong, yung kanina hindi niyo kuto yun. Kinuha niya yun sa buhok niya.”

Imbes na magalit, natawa na lang si Lola at natawa na din yung bata. Hindi na daw nasabi kanina dahil sa ina. Binigyan na lang ni Lola yung bata ng singkas at sinabing huwag na niyang ikainggit yung piso.

😁😊

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Feelings on Writing

16 May

I am bereft by father, left by mother (for work abroad), and so, i am alone in the city. But i do have a constant reminder of what i need and want.

I live with my uncle’s wife and cousin who are so close to each other. When i see them, i feel lacking, jealous, out-of-place. I miss my parents. When i don’t see them, i feel the same ways too. But i miss my parents more.

When i go to work, and something or someone upsets me, it really gets into me. I couldn’t let go as easily amd readily before. Back then, when i’m feeling low, i would call or text my father, he’d answer back and cheer me up, or make me laugh. After that, i’m a clean slate again, the world can make a fool of me again. I would be okay.

But now, it’s becoming hard to get back on track. It’s becoming a challenge to believe one’s self or even forgive.

Sometimes, i dream of being lost, literally. To be some place new where i could not be reminded of things that connect to the past or even my attachment to the past. I would still miss them but it won’t be that painful.

But i can’t seem to move. I lost my drive, my power. I can’t seem to control things now. My will, my passion gone.

I feel distant with God. It’s my fault, i know. I do pray God forgives me for not trying hard, but i also pray He gives me courage to try harder.

I am writing all this in the hope that i may lighten my burden, clear my mind, and maybe give me hope. To realize my dilemma is “not that bad”.

There’s something in writing that makes me see how big i see little things or how small i perceive big things. Or how confusing i get as i type these thoughts.

Anyway.

Pray.

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