Red and Bleak

4 Jun

It happened so #fast

It was a #blur

All was #bleak

But you, the lone #color
You see, I ignored the signs

And man, you made me blind

You took away my heart

I was empty and free
Now i see, 

you stole the fire in me

Alas! I was that color

(You traitor!)

🤦🏻‍♀️

But I won’t give chase

Please, go on keep my color

I hope you blend with it
My fire, although defused

Will be lit, don’t be confused

‘Cause my heart, it multiplies
There will come a time

When this bleak world would be lit

The Cycle

20 Apr

I have reached this place beforeI have felt these feelings before

I have written about it before

It’s all happening again. 

Indeed, this place is a circle.
Endlessly searching, struggling, pushing, loosing, trying… it never ends. 

But i hope to stop somewhere in the circumference,

Just to pause somewhere in this endless cycle

To rest in a place where my feelings lock-in

Where i will feel the speed, the rust, the adrenaline of my journey feels comfortable to just BE

To continue in a momentum where i feel like flying when i was running 

When i no longer have to struggle to breathe but to just BE
But i may not even make sense

Just trying to BE

parang ang sarap magmahal

28 Jan

parang ang sarap nang may minamahal

ang abangan ang kanyang pagdating

ang masabik sa kanyang mga halik

ang damhin ang kanyang paglambing

 

parang ang sarap nang may nagmamahal

may kasukob sa ulan

may kayakap hindi lang ang unan

may kasama sa patutunguhan

 

parang ang sarap magmahal

ang kiligin kahit hindi pansin

ang sabikin kahit sa iba nakatingin

ang magmahal kahit hindi ikaw ang ibigin

 

 

I’ll Say It, So Stop

24 Jan

“I love you”, such beautiful words
I once believe them to be gems

Spoken rarely but truthfully

Now they have become like a “hello”
A greeting, a passing thought,

A careless slip of the tongue

A habit to pacify all things petty
“I love you”, it has become words

Same as “I’m fine” to “how are you’s”

Where you utter them to indulge curious minds

But totally lie about the inside
I’ll say it. “I’m fine”, so  don’t ask anymore

I’ll say it.  “I love you”, so you won’t ask for more.

People are People

10 Jan

 

WHEN you stepped out of this world
You are sheltered at home
and as you grow, you’ll have your school, your church
They look at you and hope for the future

WHEN you debut into this world
You are embraced by those in the room
You dance till dawn, you’ll feel unbreakable
and the next day, you’ll still have your peers, your dreams

WHEN you’re done with school
You are praised by all
and the next day, you’ll still have it all,
but maybe even eyes waiting for your downfall

WHEN you’re looking for a workplace
You are pressured by it all,
you might set aside your passion,
and just catch the next available place, but not for long
(So you say)

WHEN you submit yourself in that rat race
you’ll get tired, but still save face
you remember those prying eyes
and you get on, you smile, you wave
(So you try)

WHEN you’re getting restless
you remember those praises that pushed you to just drive
“Just be Someone, it doesn’t matter what but be Someone”
and you believe, you just might become someone
(Or not)

WHEN you feel you’re too old for your age
you feel you have become part of this world
and you think kids are too spoiled, they dream
you’ll want to go back, be that kid, be Anyone but Someone
(So you think)

WHEN you feel lost in the game
but winning in the eyes of peers
you realize you have been deceived
the praises have misled you from your dreams

WHEN you get out of that game
the eyes would stop looking but glare
they’ll loose hope for your future
and you won’t care

WHEN that time comes
maybe you’ll doubt yourself
the confidence might be swayed for leaving was not that easy,
Anyway, YOU’RE JUST GETTING STARTED.

WHEN you feel down
remember you’re at the bottom of going up
you’ll get there somehow, because you care
you have owned the game, you’ll dare

SO, push through, forget the wounds you’ll get
Forget the flawlessness, forger being perfect
Disappoint people who followed what others paved them to go
Enlighten people who believed you’re getting lost to reach your rightful place
Some place you’ll make to become Somebody you’re proud of.

Stars Don’t Shine

26 Dec

When you put someone on a pedestal, you strip away their privilege to be human — to be perfectly imperfect, to just BE.


December 26, 2016, 3:36pm

The Getting-to-know-each-other Stage

11 Dec

Gusto kitang makilala, ang sabi mo.

Tara, usap tayo, ang sabi ko.

“Kumusta ka na?”
“Ok lang…”

Ok nga lang kaya?

Nasilayan ko ang ngiti mo sa facebook
Sa tingin ko, wala ka namang pinagdadaanang pagsubok
Nag-umagahan ka na ba?
Siguro masiyahin kang talaga.

Nabasa ko ang update mo sa twitter,
Mukhang hindi ka naman bitter.
Lunch na, kain ka na.
Siguro nakamove on ka sa ex mo.

Nakita ko ang mga lugar na napuntahan mo sa instagram,
Marahil ikaw ay malaya ; walang agam -agam.
Gabi na, nakakain ka na ba?
Siguro, masaya kang kasama.

Paano Kung sabihin ko sayo na ako’y higit pa sa mga sinabi mo.
Na ako’y higit pa sa mga haka-haka mo.
Mga haka-hakang mula sa labas na anyo.
Anyong pinili ko, sinalat ko.
Pagkataong para lang sa mata ng mundo
Pero hindi ang “ako” sa mata ng iilang Tao
Mga taong Handa akong harapin, kausapin, intindihin, prangkahin.

Tara, usap tayo, ang sabi mo.
Gusto kitang makilala, ang nasa isip ko.

Malaman ang iyong mga hilig ,
Mga bagay na nagbibigay kilig,
Mga pangarap na gustong abutin,
Mga lugar na gustong explore-in

Ganyan sana tayo. Usapang matino.

Tara, magkita tayo. 

Mata sa mata. 

Hayaang mag-ugnayan ang ating mga puso.

Tara’t ating abangan saan ito patungo — pagkakaibigan o pag-iibigan.

Tara, halika, usap tayo.
12/11/16

Ngayon na nga ba ang SA WAKAS?

31 Aug

Ano ba itong pakiramdam na parang nakalutang sa alapaap at sa isipan, isang imahe ng kadenang napigtas?

Ano nga ba?

Ano ba itong parang pagluwag ng dibdib pagkatapos tumakbo ng tumakbo na parang may tinatakasan at sa isipan, mga katagang paulit-ulit: “Sa wakas…sa wakas”.

Nagsimula lahat ng niyan nang makita na kitang may kasama nang iba.

Pero nang balikan ko ang araw simula nang makita kita kasama niya at ng araw na huli tayong mag-usap pagkatapos ng mahabang katahimikan…

Kaibigan, nakawala ka na nga ba o kumapit lang sa iba?

Naghihintay na sana sa pagtagal, siya ang makapagpakawala sa’yo sa kadena

Dahil di ko naisip, pinakawalan nga kita sa hawla nating dalawa, pero ang kadenang nagdudugtong sa ating dalawa, kadenang iyong ginawa, hindi mo pa nasisira.

Ang malayang pakiramdam unti-unting bumaba mula sa alapaap. 
Ikaw nga ba’y masaya na o nagpapanggap? 

Kailan mo mahahagilap na hindi ako ang iyong pangarap?

At kailangan ko matatanggap, na hindi ikaw ang aking hanap?

Na ang kalungkutan ay hindi basehan para sa pag-iibigan?

Ang kalungkutan ko’y hindi ang iyong kawalan,

Kun’di ang kakayahan ng puso kong kumawala at maipagkatiwala sa iba ng lubusan. 

Pero ang kapal naman ng aking mukha para sa isiping di ka pa nakawala. Sana nga. Sana nga. 

Sa konting panahon, ako’y nakaramdam ng alapaap sa pag-aakalang ika’y nakatagpo na ng bagong pangarap, nang sa gayo’y ako nama’y mapanatag na ikaw at ako maaari nang bumalik sa pagkakaibigan nang walang masasaktan.

Ngayon na nga ba ang “Sa wakas.”? 

Muli, hihingi ng tawad nang walang wakas.

Too Much Love That killed Us

15 Mar

I’m sorry to the boy who loved me the most.

I’m sorry i refuse to change my mind when I didn’t feel you fit in my life

I wasn’t accustomed with you in my life

And I’m not ready for that relationship in your mind

Babe, you offered too much I couldn’t dwell

You offered a vision you couldn’t handle well

You loved me too much

It just doesn’t seem like a match

With you always giving in and yet demanding in a pretense of longing

And I, too busy for caring with the excuse of not knowing

You loved me too much

That it seemed to me you were living in a hunch

Of you too scared to shed your true self

Of you too afraid I might not like you that much

To converse alone with you content on looking on
To decide on my own with you just riding along

To hear and forget

To come yet regret
For me, alone is my norm

For me, “us” is a new form

But just the same, I let you in, 

It was a risk that was too difficult for me to take in

But i believed in the now and hoped for us to be better together 

But, I don’t know, was i too much to bear?

Was I too fast, too independent for you, Dear? 

‘Cause somehow, I was losing you

I was constantly seeking for you

To realize the you, not living in the now.

Too much love that made you too scared for me to love. 

Too much love that made me too scared for us to love.

And so much more you couldn’t know until your “too much” would be just “love”. 

Or until I could love you as much.

inspired by: MARTA

3 Mar

Ako si Marta

Dalagang ina

Nagmahal nung una

Nanganak mag-isa

Nagalit sa mundo

Sabi ko noon, “Unfair ito!”

Buti pa siya, walang dinadala

Magiging ama, pero hindi halata

Kung umasta parang binata

Walang anak na iniinda

Kung ang lalaki kaya ang magdala

Para sa ‘pag puntong ako’y nanghihina

Makikipag-inuman naman sa barkada

Tutal, lalaki na ang may dala

Ng batang binuo naming dalawa

Kung lalaki na ang magdadala

Pwede na akong maglakwatsa

Maghahanap ng damit

Kaya nang magbuhat,

kahit maraming bitbit

Pero hindi, dahil kung lalaki ang magdadala

Sasamahan ko siya

Kapag kumirot ang tiyan?

Dali-dali kong hahalikan

Kapag umiiyak, kahit walang dahilan?

Kahit saan pa yan, lagi kong dadamayan

Kapag di makatulog

Naghahanap ng niyog

May buko naman sa kanto

Kukunin ko alang-alang sa mag-ama ko.

Pero kahit hindi lalaki ang magdala

Kahit ako na dahil ako naman talaga

Kakayanin ko, iparamdam lang niya

Nabuo ito nang hindi ako mag-isa

At siguruhin niya

Ilalabas ko itong magkasama kaming dalawa.